Where's My Party

One tradition that throws me for a loop every time I'm confronted with it is the requirement that whomever is celebrating a birthday, a promotion, the birth of a child, their engagement or wedding, etc - is the need for THAT person to throw a party. If it's my birthday, it's my responsibility to bring a treat for my colleagues. Granted, not much different then we did back in our school days, but the list goes on.

My boss was recently promoted. The first question everyone asked after congratulating him, was "When's the party?" In my Western mindset, we should be treating him. He's the one that earned the promotion. Until one treats, after such an occasion, they won't hear the end of it. I had to listen to my co-workers ask my boss multiple times a day for almost 2 weeks when he was treating us. Finally he closed the book on that on Friday. If nothing else, my ears are appreciative.

I remember being so irritated after my wedding when being asked this question. People were down right pushy about it.  Hey - I hand delivered your invite, I followed up both verbally and via email and text prior to my wedding reception. You had alternate plans. You didn't come. Now you're asking me where's your party? Excuse me, I just spent 8 lakhs on a party. Sorry you couldn't make it, but the buck (or rupee in my case) stops here.

Most recently a colleague that joined the same day I did completed his notice period and his last day in office was Friday. He's headed to the US for his MBA, which is a huge accomplishment and something he worked very hard to earn. Now in my mind, I should be giving him a gift, as a congratulatory token of all he's accomplished and will accomplish. But instead, he presented me with a very nice gift and promises of plans for dinner out next weekend. I feel like a schmuck because I should have given him something. I had the thought prior to his last day in office, but when someone's headed to the US, what on earth would you give them from India? Now, I'll feel like a bigger schmuck if I give him something because it might seem like it's only in response to his gift to me. How it's actually viewed is beyond me though so we'll see. Maybe that is reversed as well.

Work Work Balance

I was promoted to my current job role in November of 2007. When I came to India in 2011 people here thought I was crazy for accepting the same position. They told me I should have demanded a promotion. I had a personal motive for coming though, which could be achieved without requiring a loftier designation.

Since arriving in India, I've been a bit surprised by the mentality of the corporate employees. They seem to believe that if they aren't getting promoted every 6-12 months, it's time to find a different job in a different company. I regularly see people company hopping and often taking friends with them. They'll start out in one position, move to another company for a promotion, then bring their friends along, all getting promotions along the way. They may have the same boss at three consecutive companies, but with each company jump, they get a better designation.

Up until this point, I felt it was really unreasonable to expect such career movement. I've grown up with the mentality that companies don't owe their employee's anything. That you're lucky enough simply to have a job. That you don't go to your boss demanding promotions or raises or bonuses. You're fortunate enough taking what they offer you. I've never negotiated a salary and I've always felt sincerely thankful for any raise or promotion I've been given.

The second major realization I've had since coming here is the lack of work-life balance. A common week is spending 60 hours physically in the office, logging in before and after the shift from home, and again on the weekends. Everyone does it. It's not a matter of working inefficiently during the week, it's a matter of having so much damn work to do, there's not enough hours in the standard office day to do it all. Our weekends go towards hiring events, trainings, "team outings." If we get a day off, we'll spend it logged in, catching up on emails, monitoring inventory volumes, and often times, spend at least some time at the office, due to some or the other emergency that just happened to crop up on our day off.

After doing this for almost a year, I was really getting depressed. My goal in working is to create a nice life for myself and my family. The office is a place I HAVE to go in order to make money to go to the places I WANT to go. While I believe in giving your all and doing a job you can be proud of, it's just that: a job. A former boss once told me: A job is something you do, not who you are.

After pondering both of the above observations parallelly for the past year, I've finally found where they intersect. For Indians, it IS who they are.  It's not just a job, it's a self defining proclamation of who they are and what they stand for. It's bragging rights, not only for the employee but for their family. There's no concept of "good enough." That's what drives them to put in more hours, take on more projects, and devote their lives to their jobs, under the guise of devoting their lives to their families. It's acceptable to spend 16 hours a day at the office earning, if you know while you're in office, your family is sitting comfortably at home. The more promotions you get, the more marketable you are, the more earning security you have, and the more comfortably your family can exist. I guess it makes sense, but....

While I want my family to be comfortable and enjoy life, I want to enjoy it with them. That's the purpose and the value in having a family. I married my husband because I enjoy spending time with him. I crossed 8600 miles to be with him, not to spend my days slaving away in the office.  I plan to have children that I will raise, not that will be raised by a nanny while I'm holed up in some conference room. Besides, life is short and there are no guarantees. Take the time out for the ones you love and care about. Don't put some meaningless office task between you and what you enjoy. If you got hit by a bus tomorrow, would your boss miss you? No. They'd have another guy filling your position within a week. But what about your family? They will be left with an unfillable gap. No amount of money you earned in the past will afford the glue it will take to piece their hearts back together.

Think about what's really important.

The Wet Washroom

The most asked about topic since coming to India relates to the Indian "washroom." The month of May will mark the 1 year anniversary 2 rolls of toilet paper entered my flat, and as you can see, they are alive and well, and mostly still whole. I thought now would be the time to introduce you to what is referred to as the "wet washroom."

  

When locating most public washrooms, you'll typically see a sign hanging the door stating whether the washroom is "dry" or "wet."  A "dry" washroom means you'll find toilet paper and no sprayer or bucket of water/cup (although sometimes they are there and the "dry" just means you'll have the TP option). "Wet" generally means no toilet paper and instead, a sprayer or a bucket with a cup. Now, I can't say I'm a bucket/cup fan. Using that option generally means needing to strip from the waste down, because you WILL get water on your pants. And many times it can be tough to find a "dry" place to hang your drawers in such a washroom as the folks before you might have splashed around a bit. Not to mention, a certain amount of friction might be required to properly clean certain areas.

So when I was deciding what my flat HAD to have, I went with sprayers (and as you can see, Western toilets). These are the types you find attached to kitchen sinks in the US. Each washroom has one sprayer next to the toilet. This is used after you do the business in place of toilet paper. It's considered to be a much cleaner option. Not to mention Indian toilets aren't meant to handle large quantities of TP nor is the sewage system that sophisticated.

 Additionally you'll see that there is no bathtub or shower stall. You will however, find a showerhead mounted on the wall. This gives a while new meaning to the term "wet" washroom. After your shower, you can squeegee the floor and things will be pretty much dry instantly. Additionally you'll notice a tank above the toilet. That's known as the Geyser (pronounced Geezer, like an old man). It's essentially the water heater. Please note the size. There's a switch on the outside of the washroom that you flip on 10 mins or so before you take your shower, which buys you like 20 gallons of hot water. That means getting wet, turning off the water, soaping up, turning the water on, rinsing off, etc. It also means you know how to take a very efficient shower if you want to take a hot one. Generally the ground water is warm enough to where I don't bother turning it on in the first place. You can achieve a "warm enough" shower without it.

Additionally in the washroom you'll notice an orange bucket, and inside that - a cup. This bucket is essentially a wash bucket. It's used when the water is turned off (which is frequent in the summer due to a mass water shortage) whether you're using the toilet or needing to shower. It's a scant supply of water, I can promise you that. It's imperative that whenever the water is turned on you fill the bucket. Keeping the buckets filled at all times is vital. You don't want to be in a precarious situation without water handy. Trust me.