What I Wish Every Indian Parent Would Consider

I came across this coincidentally while in the middle of my arranged marriage series. I felt it was not only timely, but presented a very compassionate view on not only marriage, but life in general including the relationships and responsibilities between parents and their children, addressing who is in control and who is not.

 

About the speaker: Ismail Musa Menk was born in Harare, Zimbabwe. He was tutored by his father who is a well known scholar and Da’ee. He completed his hifz and recitation courses at an early age and learnt the Arabic and Urdu languages whilst studying Shariah under his father. At the same time he attended an Academic College in Harare where he completed his secondary secular education. He then attained a degree in Shariah from the University of Madinah and later specialised in Iftaa at Darul Uloom Kantharia in Gujarat. - See more on his fan page.

 

I wish every parent in India would view this, religious affiliation aside. I think there's some valuable lessons not only about marriage, but about relationships in general.

Girl Shopping Part 1: The Profile

It's been a bit since I've last posted. There are two main reasons for this:

1. I had some kind of virus attached to the conversion widget that was on my webpage, and was trying to get rid of it. It was causing a pop up message on every link found on my page. If you experienced problems with that, my apologies. The widgets been removed and it seems to be at least allowing navigation to occur.

2. I've been girl shopping. No, I don't mean shopping for girly things. I mean shopping for girls. Let me explain.

 

I was asked by a family to help find a match for their son. Since arranged marriage is one of my favourite (okay my VERY favourite) topics, I thought it would be a great experience. I was wrong.

 

Let me tell you how it starts out:

1. You post your profile on a marriage website like www.shaadi.com (there's even a www.secondshaddi.com for those who's 1st marriage didn't work out). This is the equivalent to a dating site sans the expectation of dating.

2. Interested parties (or more likely the parents of interested parties) review your online profile, and if they like what they see, email you a profile of themselves (or their son/daughter).

3. You review the profile and decide which families you'd like to meet with. Let's pause here.

 

Let me tell you about these profiles. They're all CRAP! Here is the information presented to you, in order to decide if you want to meet someone:

• Name
• Age
• Height
• Religion
• School and Degree with Occupation (if applicable)
• Complexion (The only options here will be fair, very fair, extremely fair, and they're all lying.)
• Fathers Name and occupation
• Mothers Name and occupation (housewife)
• Sibling count, names and occupation(s) as well as where they are living (this is important if they're abroad)

A photo will of course be included. Generally it will be touched up so much that if you do go to meet the person, you won't even recognize them as compared to who you saw in the profile picture. Remember the options we learned about under the "Complexion" category.

 

Sifting through profiles seems totally pointless to me, because they're all going to tell you the same thing: NOTHING! There's nothing to be learned by them. There's no intriguing information about the prospective match. The photos are basically fakes and the there will be less information about a potential spouse found in those profiles then you'll find on someone resume. I don't even understand the point of sifting through them, but that's how it begins.

 

I leave you now, with one of the best newspaper ads I've seen in search of a spouse. Considering the family paid money to post this, I'm not going to protect his identity, but I should caution you, with an ad like this I'm positive his only attractive, God fearing daughter was snatched right up. Especially considering he posted a bounty, I'm sorry, dowry, right in the ad.

 

 

I wonder how much he had to offer up for his ugly, uneducated, Satan worshipping offspring?

To be continued...

Bollywood Movies: What You Need To Know

Note of interest: Bollywood, as a place, does not exist. It's a concept.

In my last post, I made fun of how many Bollywood movies are Hollywood rip-offs. Certainly that's not the case for all. Although I don't speak Hindi, I've fallen in love with quite a few Bollywood movies and believe those that are well done, can be understood regardless of a language barrier.

 

Here's what you need to know about Bollywood flicks:

• Music and Dancing: Expect to see somewhere around 6 musical numbers per movie. You know how it works: A guy is crushing on a girl and he bursts into song in the middle of a crowded street professing his undying affection for her, while all pedestrians within a 5 mile radius start a flash mob, matching our hero step for step.
• Music Videos: Not quite movie related, but any music video you see on MTV, VH-1, etc. is a clip from a movie. It's common to have a bit of dialogue before or after the singing starts, as they've just cut a chunk from the actual film. The music videos will start airing before the movie is released. I've seen some music videos I've hated, until I've watched the movie. Once I could put it into context of the script, I fell in love with the clip/song.
• Item Number: Many movies will have what's called an Item Number. This often comes at the beginning of the movie, before the story starts, but can show up anywhere during the film. Generally the IN will feature a super hit actress that is not a member of the plot cast, and in no way related to the story line, she just kind of appears out of no-where. In many cases, the song or dance she performs has NOTHING to do with the plot and if your not familiar with the framework of a Bollywood film, can be quite confusing. It's just a random interjection of yet another song and dance routine in the film.
• Singing: What you should also know, is the singing you hear in Bollywood movies is dubbed. Being a playback singer is big business here. The actors are lip-syncing.
• Length: Hindi movies generally run somewhere around 3 hours. If you see them at the theatre, you'll be granted an intermission.
• Plot Twists: Due to the length of the movie, you can expect a lot of plot twists. I've been surprised by quite a few movies when, an hour in and around the time my Hollywood conditioned mind expects the loose ends of the plot to start wrapping up, an entire new storyline will start. Then again, an hour later, when the plot takes another turn and an entire new story line starts. Some movies can be really unpredictable, which I find refreshing.
• Sex: You won't see it. You'll barely see any kissing (although the younger Bollywood generation is getting pretty risqué). If you find yourself watching a scene in which two people are moving in for the big smooch, the image of a bee or butterfly landing on a flower or a ceiling fan spinning (if they're smooching in a bedroom - after their wedding, of course) will flash on the screen. I find a bit of a paradox here, however. While the plot might be innocent enough, the dance numbers leave little to the imagination. See for yourself.
• Heroes and Heroines: Every Bollywood hero is capable of killing five guys with a single bullet, stopping a train with his bare hands, or flipping a car upside down with the smash of his fist. Every heroine is a damsel in distress.
• Antagonists: Every bad guy is armed with an axe, a sickle, or a sword. At all times. In any situation.

So that's my top list of things you should know about Hindi movies. Here is a list of some of my favourite movies that you might enjoy:

 

3 Idiots: Great cast, great music, rather typical plot but enough surprises to keep it interesting.

 

I Hate Luv Stories: Lots of Hinglish dialogue which makes it easy for the non-Hindi speaker to follow. Great music. Awesome cast.

 

Raanjhanaa: Again: Awesome music. Awesome script. Awesome cast. Tragically beautiful love story. I still think they could have incorporated the song Why This Kolaveri Di into the movie. It would have totally fit the plot.

 

Jab Tak Hai Jaan: So full of plot twists, I felt like I got three movies for the price of one when I saw it at the theatre. Love seeing Anushka Sharma and SRK on the screen together again. Great soundtrack.

 

Ek Tha Tiger: Great script. Good, albeit somewhat predictable storyline. Awesome opening scene.

 

Kal Ho Naa Ho: Again, crazy plot twists. Somewhat corny musical numbers, although catchy. Great cast. Love seeing Hindi movies based in the US. I think I got halfway through the movie before I recognized Saif Ali Khan.

 

Special 26: Great movie. Might not make sense for people who aren't familiar with Indian government to follow but if you can get it dubbed, you should be able to follow along. Even though it's based on a real story, take it lightly.  

 

Barfi!: I loved loved loved this movie. Anyone who's a fan of Priyanka Chopra, or has seen her collaboration with PitBull or Thursday Night Football intro, wouldn't even recognize her in this film. She did an amazing job. Not a dialogue heavy movie, however you'd want to see it dubbed so you can really follow the narrative overlay.

 

Cocktail: Terrific story. Lovely acting. Again, great music. I really appreciated the storyline in this one and the music was great too.

 

Bol Bachchan: Great comedy, fun music. Really hilarious to native English speakers who've spent any time in India or anyone who's regularly observed "Indian English."

 

Anything else someone not familiar with Hindi movies should know? What to add your favourite Hindi movie to the list? Do so in the comments below!

 

Get Your Own Plot!

The TV Series 24 is staring up in India. The first episode is set to air this week, staring Anil Kapoor as the Indian version of Jack Bauer. I never got into "24" when it aired in the states, but I am a big Anil Kapoor fan. You might recognize him as Prem, the host of Kaun Banega Crorepati, from Slumdog Millionaire (and he did appear in Season 8 of the US version of "24") but had to roll my eyes when I saw the advertisement for it.

Anil Kapoor at the US "24" Finale

 

Why? Just re-read the sentence above. Anil Kapoor is known in the US for his role as host of a TV game show ("Who Wants to Be A Millionaire"), ripped off from the US, and is now staring in a TV series, also ripped off from the US. Can't Indians come up with their own ideas for movies and television?

So much of the hit TV shows and movies here are plots taken from US shows. In the spirit of "24", here is my top 24 list of the most blatant Bollywood rip offs:

 

Bollywood: Partner

Hollywood: Hitch

 

Bollywood: Ek Main Aur Ekk Tu

Hollywood: What Happens In Vegas

 

Bollywood: Aisha

Hollywood: Clueless

 

Bollywood: God Tussi Great Ho

Hollywood: Bruce Almighty

 

Bollywood: Kaante

Hollywood: Reservoir Dogs

 

Bollywood: Players

Hollywood: The Italian Job

 

Bollywood: Khal-Naaikaa

Hollywood: The Hand That Rocks The Cradle

 

Bollywood: Chor Machaaye Shor

Hollywood: Blue Streak

 

Bollywood: Black

Hollywood: The Miracle Worker

 

Bollywood: Nishabd

Hollywood: American Beauty

 

Bollywood: Hum Tum

Hollywood: When Harry Met Sally

 

Bollywood: Ek Second...Joe zindagi Badal De...

Hollywood: Sliding Doors

 

Bollywood: Mere Yaar Ki Shaadi Hai

Hollywood: My Best Friends Wedding (they couldn't even be creative with the title here)

 

Bollywood: Knock Out

Hollywood: Phone Booth

 

Bollywood: Kahin Pyaar Na Ho Jaaye (the Indian version is a bit tamer then the US version)

Hollywood: The Wedding Singer

 

Bollywood: F.A.L.T.U.

Hollywood: Accepted

 

Bollywood: Apartment: Rent at Your Own Risk (They should have considered a Hindi title because this English one sucks)
Hollywood: Single White Female

 

Bollywood: Pyaar Ka Saaya

Hollywood: Ghost

 

Bollywood: Sssshhh.

Hollywood: Scream

 

Bollywood: Mr Ya Miss

Hollywood: Switch

 

Bollywood: We Are Family

Hollywood: Stepmom

 

Bollywood: Hari Puttar: A Comedy of Terrors

Hollywood: Home Alone

 

Bollywood: Teen Patti

Hollywood: 21

 

Bollywood: Ra-One

Hollywood: Tron Legacy (although many say it's more Robocop)

 

Have one to add? Comment below!

 

10 Things You Have to Know About Arranged Marriages - Courtesy of Bollywoodshaadis.com and My Boss

My boss forwarded me this article from Bollywoodshaadi's.com

 

People in the western countries are at their wit’s end when it comes to comprehending the rationale behind arranged marriage system, more so the success rate that it enjoys. But there is a lot more to this traditional system of making matches than what meets the eyes.

 

1) Right age: Love knows no age, but in order to make a good match through arranged marriage, it is imperative to keep age consideration in mind. The preferable age for girls is around 25 or 26 and for guys no later than 30.

 

2) Self assessment: Take a pen and paper and list down what all things you expect in your spouse to be and what level of compatibility do you desire, that will be in tune with the compromises that will need to be made.

 

3) Decent Expectations: Expectations in an arranged marriage tend to run high and higher the expectations, greater are the disappointments because at the end of the day, it is not necessary that all the virtues that you desire can be found in one person.

 

4) Economic compatibility: Arranged marriages take everything in account and strive for utmost compatibility even in terms of economic standing of the families. In fact, in olden days it was a way of ensuring financial security for the bride.

 

5) Beauty: Arranged marriage is about suitability and compatibility. Beauty can easily take a back seat. Your intended need not be as dashing as Tom Cruise or as charming as Kate Winslet. Looks are important but not the most important thing.

 

6) Understanding: Now, this is the million dollar question: how can you understand a person in just one or two meets? At times a lifetime seems less to truly understand someone. It is here that you should share your feelings about the person with your very close friends or may be siblings.

 

7) Observe Etiquettes: Yes, there are some set codes of conduct that society at large expects you to follow. For example, do sufficient background research about the person before consenting to meet. Answering in negation after having met twice or thrice may be detrimental to the person’s self confidence.

 

8) Take Advice: Feel free to take advice from those you feel will be able to guide you in the best possible way. Do not make a show of your feelings but then do not go about it unsolicited.

 

9) Final Decision: Do not just marry a girl or a guy just because your parents or friends asked you to. It has to be your own decision and you will be responsible for whatever happens later in the life.

 

10) Commitment: Arranged marriages are based on commitment and it is the most necessary element that keeps a relationship going.

 

Bollywoodshaadis.com – Mon 29 Apr, 2013 1:11 PM IST

 

What do you think? Is there anything that should be added to the list, or any items you don't feel should be on the list?

Nirbhaya: The Rape Of A Nation

She didn't ask to be a victim. She didn't ask to be a hero. She was simply trying to get home. Now she's in her eternal home, and the nation is in an uproar.

As India lays the girl they've nick-named Nirbhaya to rest this week, protesters call for the government to take action. Rather than the government opening their doors and ears to the demands of a public that is calling for stricter punishment for rapists, they are instead launching tear gas and turning water canons on the angry crowds. Section 144 of the IPC has been invoked, which prevents a gathering of more then 5 people within the 34 km stretch that makes up the Delhi district. Seven metro stations were closed near India gate, in an attempt to prevent people from being able to gather near the country's Parliament building, the Presidents home, and the Prime Ministers office.

 

Schools across the country are discussing whether they should change their uniforms for girls, who currently wear skirts. The thought is that by dressing them in pants, it will help prevent harassment from the male classmates. There's also talk of invoking a curfew for females, preventing them from being out past 10pm and putting restrictions on their evening public transportation options to help prevent future instances of "eve teasing" and rape.

 

It's said in Delhi that a rape is reported every 18 hours. It seems that before any investigation can begin, the local magistrate must be called and give the order for any forensic tests to begin, or for the accused to be questioned. Well, magistrates sleep at night. So, if a girl comes to the hospital at 11pm, a victim of rape, she will literally have to sit in her torn, blood stained clothing all night, until the magistrate can be phoned in the morning after he wakes up, hear the details of the accusation, and order the examination of the girl and arrest of the accused. Forensic tests alone will take an average of 6-8 months before the results are available due to a backlog at the labs that perform this kind of work.

 

With the population of Delhi surpassing 20 million in 2012, a rape is reported there every 18 hours on average. How many rapes are occurring across India on any given day? How many are going unreported? Keep in mind, when you go to the police to report any crime, you have to share the details with them, and gain their permission to file a formal complaint. If they don't feel your case is worthy of being documented, they'll send you off and you'll never have a chance of gaining any legal justice.

 

The public is demanding the 6 men accused in the Nirbhaya case be hanged. Will that bring her back to life? No. Will it serve as a deterrent for potential rapists? I don't believe so. What India needs to see is a shift in mindset. A shift that places more value on women in society. A mindset that doesn't permit dowry killings, backstreet abortions for women who discover (illegally because ultrasounds for gender determination are against the law) they are carrying female babies,  or rapes committed out of revenge.

 

While the government does have a huge responsibility in this case, the change needs to start from the ground level. Parents need to teach their male children the fundamental differences between right and wrong. I don't believe any man can ever comprehend all he strips a woman from when he commits rape. It's a physical, emotional, and psychological injustice. It will impact EVERY SINGLE relationship she has and will have for the rest of her life. In India it can prevent a woman from ever marrying. It can cause her to be cast out from her family, from her village, from those she's loved and trusted her entire life. The blame is put on her. The same is borne by the entire family and the community. The shame of the victim is prevalent, while the actions of the criminal often go unpunished. These men have mothers. They have sisters. They need to be taught to respect them, to place the same level of value on them as they do their fathers and their brothers. When will they recognize that every woman they pass on the street is someones sister, someones mother, someones daughter.

 

Until women have the ability to practice the same educational opportunities as men, the same career opportunities as men, the ability to exercise the same day to day rights as men, there is no hope for a future on any level. While the government claims they're trying to implement changes to protect women, what they are in fact doing is stripping women of their basic freedoms. This continued oppression simply promotes the behavior that the public is demanding a change to. All of this, in the world's largest democracy...

Subtitles and Censorship

The first time I visited India, I was surprised to see English television shows and movies with English subtitles. It seemed to me that if you were going to benefit from subtitles, then they should be in your native language. It would have made more sense to see them in Hindi or Telugu. When I asked why this was, it was simply explained that in some scenes, the actors speak very fast, or use words Indian's aren't familiar with, so have the option to read the script helped them understand the dialogue.

 

I also realized that having the subtitles displayed allows for a certain degree of censorship. Of course the normal cuss words are changed in the subtitles. Some apparently don't have an alternative, so they are just ***** in the subtitle. Even if in the dialogue the actor says the swear word, and you hear the swear word, it will still be replaced in the subtitle.

 

Some of what's chosen to be censored (and for that matter, not censored) surprises me though. For example. The other day I was watching "Two Broke Girls" and Max and Caroline kept saying "Crap" and it was censored in the subtitles. However, the next day I was watching the episode of "Sex and The City" in which Charlotte's love for art leads her to have a painting of her lady bits hung in a gallery, and the word "Cunt" was used repeatedly and appeared without shame in the subtitle. Two four letter C words, one significantly more profane and offensive then the other, yet the milder of the two, in my opinion, was the one censored. I'm not sure who's actually responsible for determining what appears in the subtitles or what is **** out but perhaps they don't know the meaning or connotation with the second C word.

 

I'll tell you, having the English subtitles displayed really takes away the anticipation of what a character is going to say. I haven't gasped at the television in a long time. It also makes watching stand up comedy a waste of time because the punchlines are displayed on the screen before the joke's been delivered. Even the background music lyrics are subtitled.

When subtitles are present, I can't ignore them. It's as if they are little eye magnets so "watching" television might be better considered "reading" television. I guess I should be wearing my glasses.