Pardon Me As I Roll My Eyes At International Women's Day

Guess what ladies!? March 8th marks International Women's Day!!! What does that mean for you!? I'm going out on a limb here and say: Not a damn thing!

 

Okay, so I'm a bit jaded by this "holiday." The first time I ever heard about International Women's Day was when I came to India and I completely missed the "International" part of it. Living in the US, I had never heard of this day.

The roots of International Women's Day are strong ones and at the time it was instituted, it set out to do a lot of great things. While I appreciate the overall sentiment, I have to laugh when I see it celebrated with such enthusiasm here in India. To me, it's about as effective as present day labour unions. Granted, India might want to look into those too.

 

How do we celebrate Women's Day here in India? Here's what I've observed:

1. Women get flowers

2. Women get chocolates

3. Every online retailer is offering some discount on women's clothing and accessories

4. Parlours are offering beautifying package deals

5. Bakeries have extra pretty cakes for sale.

 

Terrific! That's really going to do a lot to advance the cause for women in India. Instead of chocolates and facials, why don't we focus on the following:

1. Preventing Rape

2. Preventing Acid Attacks

3. Preventing Dowry Killings

4. Eliminating the Caste System

5. Ending Female Infanticide

 

I am disgusted by the fact that women can be celebrated one day in a year and gang raped and murdered the rest of the year, and yet for that one day we think we've made so much progress.

 

And if you do wish to celebrate, here is a quote from the above clip that will provide suggestions for celebrating in style and do as much to advance the cause for women in India as the current Women's Day celebrations "Well, yeah, you know, 'cause 'cause he never appreciated you anyway. In fact, you know what - you kicked HIM out! And now that he's gone you're gonna go into town, you go to Bloomingdale's and find some nice dresses, get yourself some shoes, you know, find somewhere, maybe you can get a facial. And, uh, oh - hire a decorator to come in here quick, 'cause... DAMN."

 

Living as an Expat - Or Not

Recently I shared with you part of the reason I don't feel I've faced many problems as a woman living in India. As I stated in Gender Segregation and Living as a Woman In India, I don't often go out alone and most often my company/escort/guardian is a male family member. In addition to that, I feel that I'm living in quite possibly the greatest city in India when it comes to pretty much every single factor. The general population here is cool and incidents of harassment and crime are relatively low compared to what we hear out of other parts of India.

 

I frequently get contacted by people who want to know more about my expat lifestyle, particularly, the ways I've connected with other expats staying in the same area. I gotta be honest - I haven't. All my friends here are Hindustanis, and I hang with them or my Indian family. Granted, I know or have met a handful of people here that were not from India but I've never sought out or participated in any activity geared towards Expats.

 

That being said, I am part of an Expat Forum, which I joined before I moved here. It provides some good resources and many of us share our blog posts on that site. I find it really interesting to read about others' experiences, so long as I can do so at an arms length.

Let me share with you the top few reasons I'm turned off by the requests for Expat meet-ups that have been sent my way:

• They're all sent by men.
• The men sending them are Indian.
• The Indian men sending them have never been outside the country.

Let me tell you what this means. It means they're not Expats! Why are they trying to set up a meeting for Expats?!?! As much as I love this city, don't tell me they're goodwill ambassadors just trying to ensure everyone feels welcomed here.

Let me tell you why they send them:

• They're looking for romance.
• They're looking for money.
• They're looking for a visa opportunity (really this last one is just a combination of the first two).

On a smaller scale:

• It's fashionable to have the "white" friend.
• They want to improve their English
• They want you to find them a job abroad (you can read more about my thoughts on that topic in Refer a Friend.......or Not)

Granted they don't say this outright but I'm stickin' with my gut on this one. I'll share with you now, a few of the requests for meet-ups I've received:

• Hai my friend.. I'm from Hyd hmmm if u need a friend then plz remember me.. Anyways plz take care n keep smiling
• Greetings. Hope you are doing great. Well, I'm from Hyderabad, an Engineer and Ex. Professor by profession. Photography is my passion. Now a days, I am inclined towards capturing Non-Indian faces in Indian cultural and tradition wear.I found you in this blog. Can I request you to spare some time from your daily work to volunteer in this? This is completely non-commercial work and I'm doing this only for the sake of art. Hope you can understand my passion towards photography. I will be glad if you can give me a knock any time.
• I want friendship , from u , will u please accept me , if so plz mail me
• Iam male from Hyderabad, i want to be ur friend

Here are my responses had I sent them:

• I'd forgotten you before I finished reading your message. Also, unless you're into Kung Fu, it's spelled HI or HELLO.
• 1. I didn't ask. 2. Pervert
• Unacceptable over indulgence of commas. Please continue practicing your English and build some self-confidence so you don't come across as pathetic and desperate. Perhaps that will help you gain friends.
• 

So, my friends, that's why I avoid the Expat scene.

 

Gender Segregation and Living as a Woman in India

A friend of mine recently sent me an article from the Washington Post addressing the call for female only trains, busses, cabs, and even city parks in parts of India. It seems that it's not only the Indian newspapers that are full of stories of rape and violence against women. India's seeming surge of violent attacks is making news globally.

In sending me the article, my friend was asking for my take on the safety of living in India as a woman. Keep in mind, I am married to an Indian with my in-laws ever present so my experience I feel is more sheltered then that of someone staying here, who doesn't have family to fall back on and has to take care of everything on their own.

Let me start out by saying, I feel blessed to have landed in Hyderabad. No matter where else in India I've visited, I've always felt like I was coming home upon my return to the city. I find the people here to be very welcoming and genuinely caring and helpful. When I first came here, I attributed this to my white skin. Everyone was curious about me and eager to help, but after living in the same place for over two years, that sentiment hasn't changed much. When I'm out in my own neighbourhood, I feel comfortable. Local merchants that know me (and that's just about all of them), go out of their way to come and say hi when they see me out, and I feel as though I have people I can count on when I need anything.

Apart from taking care of daily business in my own neighbourhood, I don't go out alone. I'm always accompanied by my husband or my brother in law and don't find myself in situations where I have to navigate something without the company of a guardian that speaks the local language. It sounds old fashion, but it's how things are done and it certainly lends itself to safer circumstances.

The article in the WP discussed the demand for women only transportation options and locals providing women a place they could relax and enjoy the company of their friends without having to deflect lewd comments or looks from men. They are supposed to provide safer options for the female population. Now, we all know that the real problem is with the men and that the attention should be on raising our boys to learn to respect women, but that's going to take an immense educational effort and generations before such sentiment is at the heart of the population.

If there are immediate options available to women that allow them the independence to go out alone because they don't have to fear for their safety from men on a local bus, or some creep at a local park then I think that's a good thing. I don't believe that some level of segregation, in the name of safety, will discount the educational gains or career options for women, as stated in the article. I think it would do the opposite. I think it would provide women with opportunities to bolster their confidence and independence because they wouldn't have to expend energy worrying about every other passenger on the bus and what their intensions might be.  

There's no where I want to go that I don't have someone that is willing to take me, and while I appreciate their company, the option to take a ladies only bus would certainly provide additional options for me and I think that's a good thing!

What are your thoughts?